We currently live in a time where supercomputers fit in our pockets that collapse space and time to bring us together. We can find others in which to relate our most niche interests. Many of us have more free time and means to connect than ever before. It sounds almost like it should be a utopia. And yet, recently the United States Surgeon General issued an alarming advisory: there is a loneliness epidemic.

What does this mean, exactly? First, it helps to understand what loneliness is. Although I would bet most people have a wordless intuition of what loneliness means, it can be difficult to convey. Merriam-Webster defines loneliness by talking about isolation and using words like bleak. They define epidemic as ‘affecting or tending to affect a disproportionately large number of individuals… at the same time’(2023).

How can we make sense of the large number of people reporting loneliness? How can we understand better what loneliness means? And how can we take steps in a positive direction? We know that loneliness isn’t physical isolation.

Often I have felt alone in a crowd.

Social media should bring connection, so we can look there. The Surgeon General does a good job of detailing research in their report on social media use regarding youth, also published in 2023. It highlights the design centered around engagement, the false impressions that it conveys of others lives, and the increased pressure it can put on evaluating oneself. This is part of how I understand the core of the loneliness epidemic. Brené Brown talks often of authenticity, and she describes belonging as being the polar opposite of fitting in. With increased pressure on what we should be, and less time to reflect on ourselves, it can be easy to stray from one’s authentic self.

According to Arlene Montgomery, attunement is an important part of connecting with another person. By being present with someone, through eye contact people form bonds, and even help one another to regulate emotional states. It has been shown that physical and emotional pain have many overlaps in neuronal pathways, and that reducing or heightening one likewise affects the other. The cost of not addressing loneliness is high, and it’s something we must solve together.

Remember, it’s baked into the name ‘loneliness epidemic’ itself; even when you feel alone, you’re not alone in feeling that way.

Citations:

Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. P33.

Eisenberger, N. I. (2012). The Neural Bases of Social Pain. Psychosomatic Medicine, 74(2), 126–135. https://doi.org/10.1097/psy.0b013e3182464dd1

Merriam-Webster. (2023). Lonely. Merriam-Webster. Loneliness Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster

Merriam-Webster. (2023). Epidemic. Merriam-Webster. Epidemic Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster

Montgomery, A. J. (2013). Neurobiology Essentials for Clinicians: What Every Therapist Needs to Know. Location 372-380.

U. S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

U. S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2023). Social Media and Youth Mental Health: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf